Why is it so hard to lose weight? Maybe that's the wrong question.

Marine Park in Bellingham, WA. Beautiful even when it’s grey and cold. | Photo by Kerstin Martin

You guys. I am seriously struggling. The continuously grey and rainy weather is really getting to me this year, not helped by crappy sleep and the worrisome state of the world. I’ve been feeling quite down and even wondering whether I have a low level depression? Whatever it is, I’ve been last-suppering for much of this week and having a hard time focusing on my weight loss journey. I just want to eat all the carbs and sugar and scroll Instagram and watch TV.

When I get to this place I often ask myself: why is this so hard?

One thing I know for sure: lack of knowledge is not the problem. I know that losing a good amount of weight will improve my health. I know why I comfort eat. I know how to lose weight. I know what to do. As my weight loss coach Sean (who lost 275 lbs) always says:

It is not what we know, it is what we do.

And I am just not doing it, at least not consistently. I start new habits but I don’t stick with them. As I was pondering this I came across these words from James Clear’s book Atomic Habits, and they made me pause:

“True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. [...] Improvements are only temporary until they become part of who you are. [...] The biggest barrier to positive change is identity conflict. Good habits can make rational sense, but if they conflict with your identity, you will fail to put them into action.”

James gives some examples:

• The goal is not to read a book, the goal is to become a reader.

• The goal is not to run a marathon, the goal is to become a runner.

• The goal is not to learn an instrument, the goal is to become a musician.

Or, in my case:

• The goal is not to lose weight, the goal is to become a healthy woman in her 60s.

(I just turned 59 so this is my vision for this next decade.)

James goes on to say “The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.” There is basically no magic bullet (we knew that already, right?), it’s all in the habits and repeating them more often than not. That repetition eventually builds trust and the belief that we can actually accomplish what we set out to do. (I know that this has always been one of my challenges, a part of me doesn’t trust myself to do this.) The question to ask ourselves is:

“Who is the type of person that could get the outcome I want?”

He gives one more example of a woman who lost a lot of weight:

“I have a friend who lost over 100 pounds by asking herself, “What would a healthy person do?” All day long she would use this question as a guide. Would a healthy person walk or take a cab? Would a healthy person order a burrito or a salad? She figured if she acted like a healthy person long enough, eventually she would become that person. She was right.”

The positive habits I am trying to build with my program are all doable and condusive to my health goals. But are they also aligned with my identity and the kind of person I not only need to be to lose weight, but want to become in the long term? I think they are, not just because they work when I do them, but also because making them part of my daily routine gives me a sense of calm and stability that is good for my mental health. I just need to keep practicing them with more consistency and less diversions.

This journey has been very up and down but I feel like I’ve uncovered another stepping stone to help me move forward in the right direction.

I do want to become that healthy woman in her 60s.