Discover more from Autumn Diaries
Taking off the training wheels
10 lbs down without calorie counting
Sunday Scales: -2.2 lbs | Total loss for 2023: 10.0 lbs
I know I keep making a big deal about not counting calories this time round. That’s because it truly feels profound.
The only other time I did that was in 2014 when we lived in the UK and I was not working for 10 months (for the first time ever in my adult life, it was such a gift, courtesy of my husband who encouraged me to take a break). Back then I began with a spring cleanse, subscribed to a weekly veggie box, started cooking more and went on lots of bicycle rides along the River Thames. I lost about 25 lbs that summer and I loved that way of life. But then I went back to work, and then we decided to completely uproot our lives and move to the US two years earlier than planned. This is what has happened every single time I have lost a significant amount of weight in the past: we move and upend our lives, and the stress of it all sends me right back to my old habits.
Every other time when I lost a good amount of weight, I did so with calorie counting. I always said: “Calorie counting is my tool and not my master.” I kinda loved it because it gave me a sense of certainty and calm. It worked. Until our next move! And I am not kidding, for more than a decade we moved every single year. Crazy, but true.
The move to this house last summer was not planned and another one of our crazy adventures. It wasn’t an easy move, not because we don’t love this house but because we were not mentally, or emotionally, prepared for such a big change. We had been happy in our condo for three years, we were not looking to move any time soon. So as much as we fell in love with the house, it was a hard transition.
I actually still miss our comfortable and easy condo, but I also really love this house. Every time I come down in the morning and walk through our ‘English’ hallway with the Harry Potter cupboard under the stairs, into our quirky turquoise kitchen with my favorite window above the sink, looking over to our cozy living room with its fireplace and big windows looking onto the yard and creek - it does feel like home. I actually have a theory about this house: I think as we heal it (it needed a lot of work), it heals us, too.
When we decided to get back on our health journey this year, I was considering calorie counting as my tool again. But to my surprise I just wasn’t feeling it, and I think I finally realized why this time is so different to all the other times:
I am ready to take off the training wheels.
This weight loss journey is like learning how to ride a bike. For years I used training wheels – calorie counting – to help me lose weight. They gave me the support I needed to get started but also limited me in how far I could go. Every now and then I’d try to take them off but I never felt confident enough to keep going without them, there were always too many wobbles and falls. My resistance basically did a good job of keeping me ‘safe’ and not letting me go too far.
What all of this translates to is years of trying to lose weight, having some success with my calorie counting programs, but always getting stuck once I reach the end of the driveway. I’ve had lots of trips up and down that driveway!
Well, I am taking off the training wheels, and I am venturing out into the world.
I know I am ready because after three weeks of not counting calories and just focusing on eating good meals, listening to my body, embracing the slower pace and feeling my feelings (my word this year is FEEL and it’s already kicking my butt!) – I have not only lost weight, I feel calm and optimistic.
There is still a lot of work ahead for me, but I am cautiously confident that I can and will handle it. I’ve started working with my coach, Joan, and I am getting ready to address some health issues which is causing a good amount of anxieties. Journaling has been helping a lot, and I look forward to adding more tools, like the tapping/EFT that I am practicing with Joan.
Happy Sunday, my friends 😍