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Still here and ready to get back on track
It’s been more than six weeks since my last post but I am still here, and I am ok! Yes, I fell off the proverbial weight loss wagon which is a common reason for radio silence with weight loss bloggers. But it wasn’t just that. Life and my business just got really busy: I launched a new online course and overhauled my website sales pages, in addition to all the other things I do as an online entrepreneur. As a result I spent a lot of time with my head in the computer, with few breaks for proper rest.
This is perhaps one of my biggest lessons from Human Design: as projectors we need even more rest than everyone else. In fact, rest has to be a top priority for us, which is not easy in our productivity-driven world. When I still worked in the corporate world I often took sick days when I wasn’t actually ill and had run out of vacation days. The guilt I felt was enormous but it was almost a compulsion, I regularly hit my limit and that’s when I needed to take a break. And yes, I seemed to hit that limit more often than others, so when I read all the articles about projectors and rest, it was like a big lightbulb moment and suddenly it all made sense. It explains, for instance, why my job as a department secretary at Amherst College was my favorite of all: not only did I love my professors and colleagues, I only worked 20 hours per week and had 10 weeks off over the summer. I never took sick days there and genuinely enjoyed going to work.
Another thing that happens when I don’t get enough rest and time away from my computer and screens, is that I run out of the energy I need for my health journey. My tiredness opens the door for all my old habits to come strolling back in, like old friends who’ve just been waiting for me on the other side. Eating is the fasted way for me to take a break and then tune out all the overwhelm that I would otherwise feel. Plus, I was starting to feel the pressure of this summer, with all the visitors we’re expecting and our own 3-week trip to Europe. I really wanted to lose a good amount of weight for that, not just to be less fat for when I meet people I haven’t seen in years, but mostly to have the energy for what will be a wonderful but busy couple of months.
Feel is my word for the year and I think it’s the most important one I’ve ever chosen, or rather it chose me. Yet here I am, once again, stuffing down All-The-Feels with food, especially sugar (yep).
However, instead of looking back with regret, I am going to look forward and focus on continuing with my program. More than the weight loss I actually miss the clarity, aliveness and sense of presence I feel when I am engaged with my program. I think what is really helping me mentally this time is acknowledging that every time I ‘fall off the wagon’ it’s just my old habits trying to edge their way back in. Just habits. And habits can be changed.
I am still 10 lbs lighter than I was at the beginning of the year (I’ll take it!) and this weekend is the beginning of April and with that a new quarter. My planner for April-June has arrived and I look forward to reconnecting with my daily planning and journaling. I am going to make a conscientious effort to build in more rest, too, and to actually figure what real rest looks like for me.
I will leave you with this timely quote that I received in one of Ralph Marston’s Daily Motivator emails this week:
“You can't go back in time and erase your past mistakes. But you can go forward and make sure you don't repeat them. Although regret is painful, that pain has a useful, positive purpose. It's a constant reminder that your choices have very real consequences. Today you have the opportunity to stop tomorrow's regrets before they happen. Today you can line up future consequences in your favor.”
Have a lovely weekend,