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What I learned from binging after a disappointing day on the scales
Sunday Scales: -0.4 lbs / Total loss: 41.8 lbs
I fully expected a bigger loss this week. Apart from one day I had stuck to my daily calorie limit, I had done strength training on five days as well as eight walks and one long bike ride. To be honest, I don’t really consider -0.4 lbs a loss, this is more like maintenance. I had expected a good 2 lbs. It’s funny in a way because I don’t normally attach specific expectations to the scales but I did this week.
The disappointment was mixed with anxiety, too: was my plan, that I had only gotten back on three weeks ago, not working anymore? Did I have too much bread, too many carbs? Had I fucked up my metabolism at last? Or was what they say about losing weight being more difficult after menopause true after all? Sigh.
I also considered that perhaps I had gained a bit of muscle weight from the increase in exercise, especially the weight training, although that’s only 20 minutes a day.
It could have been any of these reasons, or a combination or none of it. It could just be what it is. Some pounds the body finds harder to let go off than others.
So what did I do?
I sat with the disappointment for a while. I ate a cinnamon bun. I got out my data from last year and 2015 and started analyzing and comparing it. Then I overate at dinner and had a huge ice cream after.
Yep, I totally ate my feelings and I gave myself permission to do so.
Here is what I learned from today:
It doesn’t take too much food for me to feel uncomfortably full. What would have been a ‘normal’ portion before is definitely too much now.
I disliked the fullness discomfort so much that I actually look forward to getting back on track tomorrow.
Numbing, when you’re doing it intentionally, loses some of its soothing effect.
The sugar was nice in the moment but afterwards I did not feel too good. Another reason I am looking forward to getting back on track tomorrow.
I did some journaling around this and it was actually in my journal that I made the choice to comfort eat today. I also journaled to ‘de-brief’ the day in the evening. This post is the result of that.
My data analysis revealed that I am about 200-300 calories above what I consumed last year when I lost weight steadily. So I adjusted my plan and lowered my calories accordingly.
This scenario is so familiar to so many of us, isn’t it?
But even here I can feel the shift that has become noticeable over the last three weeks: even though the binge itself was a habitual behavior in response to a familiar situation, my mind reacted differently to it afterwards – I am not feeling guilty or defeated over what happened today. Instead I journaled about it, learned from it and I am ready to move on and continue with my plan.
Have a wonderful week 🍂