An ode to resilient mothers

Without you, there is no freedom

My mom, carrying my brother and holding me. Liverpool 1968.

In 1968, when I was 5, my brother was 3, and she was 27, my mom packed us up and got on a train to Calais, a boat to Dover, a train to London, and another train to Liverpool. She was running away from my father and his drinking. She spoke no English as she made her way to a farm owned by friends of her brother’s. Amazingly, they had offered to take the three of us in. We didn’t have much money, just enough to help us survive. I remember that we mostly lived off carrots, leeks, and potatoes, and that my mom cooked delicious meals from those three vegetables. She was a great cook, and to this date, leek, carrot & potato soup is one of my go-to comfort meals.

Running away from your husband, let alone with two young kids, to a country where you did not speak the language, wasn’t quite the done thing in the 60s, and it shows the grit, resilience, and stubbornness that my mom was known for. My parents got divorced a couple of years later, and we became a low-income family. I once asked her how she coped with it all, and she said, “I refused to feel poor.”

My mom passed away in 2015. I miss her every day.

Things were definitely not easy when I grew up, but whatever challenges we faced, one thing was never up for grabs: being an independent woman and living life on your terms. I never felt that my gender was a limitation, nor that I needed to earn my place by being the ‘good girl’.

This is not about ignoring the realities of gender inequality, misogyny, or abuse, or the privilege of having fewer barriers as a white woman in a Western society. This is about being raised by a mother who encouraged independence, creativity, critical thinking, and a sense of possibility. And also about growing up in Germany, where we had a strong social safety net that gave us access to affordable housing, healthcare, and excellent public education. Not having to worry about these basic needs allowed us to pursue a path of possibilities and gave us the freedom to make choices along the way.

As a result, I always felt that if I really wanted to do something, I could at least try it. I always felt free to walk my own path, to travel, to change course, to be my own person. It’s a freedom I will always be grateful for and never take for granted.

Here is to all the resilient moms out there who navigate a world that’s built on patriarchal systems that don’t want women to be free. Your daughters thank you and we will continue the fight for a world where all women feel free, safe, and like everything is possible.